I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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