Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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