Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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