It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
