New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Everclear isn't food dammit
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
