she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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