his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
