now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
