When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
