Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
