I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
