at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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