woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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