i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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