Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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