I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
