I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
