I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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