we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
