when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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