taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
