We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
