return my video game
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize