whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
