I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
