you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
