Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
