"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize