his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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