so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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