Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
