i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
