i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
