4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
