I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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