I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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