Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
