I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
