yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
