Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
