Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
