I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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