She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
