i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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