you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I don't deserve a penis
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
