im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
