After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
