Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize