Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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