If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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