i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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