I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It's never too late to be topless.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize