i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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