just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
