we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
