I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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