I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
