carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
