dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
