our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
