i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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