Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
