Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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