If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
