Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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