OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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