I bet he comes in French.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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