Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
