did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
