We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
