oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
