He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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