I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
