well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
