he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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