i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
