Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Come on in and take your pants off
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