my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize