found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
