I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize