im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
