we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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