the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
