I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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