No awkward lesbian experiences without me
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
