Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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