He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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