1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
