my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
