you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize