I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
