I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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