So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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