You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
