think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
