everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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