That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
