Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
