So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
