If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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