it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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